Maaan this past month has been such a time of waiting for clarity (next job and what city we’ll be in). Sometimes I feel like praying and sitting still. Other times I feel like just sending a million applications with no time for prayer. But really prayer is not meant to be just a defensive action. The balance comes with applying prayer to every action. It’s been tough. I’ve a lot of fear of not hearing from God and…rejection. I also have to fight the need to have other people’s approval with my choices.
My patience and trust levels are low. One website tells me I must do “A” to my creative resume/CV, and then the next says if I do “A”, then nobody will hire me. I literally am stressed out about how to portray myself on a piece of paper. Isn’t that absurd? Not to mention, I’m also fighting envy when people tell me they’ve waited for this perfect “job”, “city”, or “clarity” and they finally have it. Sigh.
These thoughts all bring me back to my -immense- lack of trust in the Lord, lack of patience with His plan, and lack of security in my identity as a woman of God. So, I want to share this with you because if you’re going through a season where you feel like you’re just waiting and waiting some more, you’re not alone. I have the knowledge that in the future I will come back with a story of God’s provision beyond what I could have imagined. I sure do have a lot of those already.
Waiting for clarity is tough friends, but God is not sitting idly by letting us run into walls. Trust him and remember Romans 5 – “Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!” Romans 5:1-21
Cheers,
