Friday, February 21, 2020

[No. 65] Love Is Fighting Well and Conflict Resolution

What is love? Love is fighting well and conflict resolution.

Every single person grows up seeing conflict resolved a little differently. My husband and I dated for four years and we fought …a lot. A couple years into dating, we sat down to figure out why we kept butting heads. Why? We wanted to make this relationship work. It came down to the fact that we resolved conflict entirely differently. He grew up seeing conflict resolved by talking about the same thing for hours and hours. He’d end up being thoroughly exhausted and newly frustrated. I saw conflict resolved by sweeping things under the rug. Everything appeared fine the next day, and we had no actual communication. Completely contradictory resolution styles.

I can’t help but laugh when I think back on how when we’d get in arguments, he would follow me around trying to discuss the issue. I would say, “Hey I’m going to go to sleep” and then the next day I would be fine while he was miserable because he’d been thinking on it all night. We had to meet in the middle. Now, I sit down and make sure that he’s heard and try to explain as many of my thoughts as I can. On his end, he doesn’t push for resolution right away and understands that sometimes, I just need time to let emotions wear off before I dive into a discussion. I don’t know if “the middle” exists, but I do know that when we aim to meet there, we find joy and peace much more quickly.

How do you feel about conflict resolution?

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