Monday, January 24, 2022

London, England Tube Etiquette and What Not to Do

First of all, PTL for public transportation. It is amazingly efficient, and when I think about how far behind Texas is with the concept of a subway system, I cry a little bit. Hubbers and I take the Tube multiple times daily, and I don’t understand how people could not want that in their cities too! That being said, we’ve definitely seen questionable or downright bad behaviors on the Tube. Some people need to mind their manners while they mind the gap! Here’s a list of what not to do on the Tube:

1. Sit in the handicapped/pregnant seat when someone walks onto the Tube who is actually handicapped/pregnant. Everybody stares, more like glares, if you sit in that seat, oblivious to the fact that you are being a selfish dumb-dumb. That woman has a belly that makes Santa’s look like a six pack, and you’re really going to stay sitting? GET UP, BRO.

2. Go against the grain. If everybody is standing and facing one way, go with the crowd. Please don’t face the opposite way. There is actually nothing more awkward than making eye contact with a stranger six inches away from you for multiple minutes in silence. Turn. Around.

3. Ignore the wedding ring. THIS IS NOT A PLACE TO PICK UP WOMEN. Especially when you see she has a wedding band on. We are in such a small space, breathing the same air. I sure as hay don’t need you to talk to me. Solution to creepers? Headphones. Sometimes even sunglasses. Sad that it has to come to that, but strangers need to mind the gap between us.

4. Take your boombox on your stroller (buggie). Turn off your boombox in the Tube. First of all, why do you even have a boombox? It’s 2016. Second of all, on your stroller? Poor baby. Third of all, we do not all agree with your choice of Pitbull, especially when you blast it in the Tube. Mind the music, people.

5. Sit in the middle of three seats. If you see two people looking for a seat and you are sitting in the middle of three seats…scoot over. I cannot tell you how annoying it is when hubs and I are looking for a seat when we’ve got a long Tube journey, and someone in front of us sits in the middle of three seats. Like what the what, man? Do you want us to sit on either side of you and talk around you…?

6. Eat smelly food on the Tube. I know that fish is probably what you really want to snack on while you’re on the Tube, or maybe it’s that pungent Chinese food, but can you wait until you’re not in a place where everyone leaves smelling like your food?

7. Put on makeup, do your hair, or put on perfume. Lady, you do realize that your shimmer powder is getting all over the people sitting next to you and your hair is shedding everywhere? Also, perfume is a personal taste. Do you really think the fifty people in your compartment want to smell that for the rest of the ride? Same thing goes with cologne.

8. Ride the Tube drunk. Poles are for holding, not for dancing. Enough said.

9. Put your grocery bags on their own seat. Especially when the Tube is packed. (!!!) I just look at those vegetables with such disdain, like “Die tomato, die,” when that tomato and its onion friends get their own seat.

10. Use your phone at the most inconsiderate time. When everybody is trying to get out of the Tube station, it’s kind of a frenzy. It makes me see RED when people who are walking at a fast pace with the crowd suddenly stops to get on their phone. Like stops dead in their tracks. I have run into people so many times when they stop like that, and then they turn around to look at me like “Woah, bro.” I actually want to punch them and take their phone and throw it, but instead I just say “Woooosah” and keep on keeping on.

Given all of these situations, I still really love the Tube. I honestly don’t miss driving a car one bit and am loving public transportation and walking. What are some derpy things you’ve seen people do on the Tube?


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