When do you become an adult? When do you decide babies are cuter than puppies? Many women I know have always felt that way—you know, that babies are cuter than puppies—and I really, really wish I did too. When I see women act so naturally with babies, part of me gets a little envious, honestly. Toddlers have always been my jam. Probs because I’m still a kid inside? Getting myself to the doctor and dentist annually is hard enough; how am I going to take care of another human?
These are all the thoughts that swirl around in my head whenever I think about having a family one day.
I want to be that mature woman who knows how to hold and cuddle a baby without being freaked out. I know it’s not a magic bean that you are gifted from flying swans when you turn 30. I’m aware you don’t immediately get blessed with the wisdom of a mother, just like you don’t immediately get blessed with “perfect wifeyness” once the ring is on your finger. I understand it’s a learn-as-you-go process and that mistakes are inevitable. It’s encouraging to know that women all over the world since the beginning of time are part of this club.
I’ve found a lot of comfort with babies since moving to London. I think it’s because I’m around women in a wider variety of life stages, and the women who are pregnant are so laid back. They embrace motherhood while still maintaining other relationships, and it’s been a great example to have.
One of my friends here has two kids and is pregnant with her third. Her first priority is her kids, but she also desires to work a few hours in the week, which I can relate to. I’ve never seen someone so consistently patient and attentive with multiple kids. Sure, I’ve seen moments of frustration when the kids lose their temper or are hungry or tired, so there’s no rose-colored glasses here. But chatting with her about my doubts has shed light on how much fear I have about mistakes I might make with my children or fears I have of becoming a housewife. (FOR ME, that is not something I would want. If it’s what you want, that’s good for you!)
She’s shown me that you can nurture children and raise them with amazing attention while also working. She sets her own hours and is her own boss while still embracing motherhood.
Another one of my friends here actively volunteering in her community up until the birth of her daughter. She attended church the following Sunday. I mean WHAT. Such a superwoman. I remember her husband asked me if I wanted to hold their baby, and I responded, “Um…no.” He looked taken aback at first, probably because nobody had said no to that before, and then gently smiled at me and said, “That’s okay.” I found deep comfort in that. Surrounding yourself with a community of people that are in different life stages is vital to defeating doubts and facing fears. Are you surrounded by people who are just like you? Or do you have people you can teach and be taught by?
As friends start having children around me, I’m so excited for their motherhood experiences. The concept of family thrills me. Growing your own little human inside of you that’s 50 percent you is unbelievable. But I think it’s okay to be hesitant about life stages, whether that’s committing to one person through engagement and marriage, changing careers, moving between cities, or having babies. Also, puppies are pretty darn cute.
So tell me, what are your thoughts on motherhood? How do you embrace life stages?
