What would this world look like if women encouraged instead of compared?
SHE who is dressed so sharply—give her a smile, if not an actual compliment. She woke up that extra fifteen, thirty, or sixty minutes. You know she slays in those shoes, so why not tell her that? It is a sign of insecurity when a woman can’t form a genuine compliment. Don’t be fake because we can see right through it darlin’, and fake does not look good on anyone. Don’t entertain the thoughts of how much money she must have spent or how you don’t have enough time in the day because you’re so busy or that you’re not vain enough to care or whatever it is you tell yourself as you mentally tear her down.
SHE who is promoted—commend her hard work, don’t envy her promotion. Just because she got that promotion doesn’t mean one won’t come to you, especially if you’re earnest and hardworking! Don’t say it’s because of who she knew, even if it is partially true, because networking is fair game, and connections are fantastic. Maybe she can be one for you. Celebrate her for having healthy ambition, working long hours, and contributing to the system. Don’t bring her down because you think motherhood is the ultimate calling or because she is a career woman and not a family woman or because “money isn’t everything” or whatever it is you tell yourself as you mentally tear her down.
SHE who is healthy and fit—be motivated by her, not jealous. Green is not a good look on you, but healthy is. She put in those hours and days for that body, and you should only have good words to say as long as she’s rightly healthy. If you’re truly concerned, then talk to her and her alone about it. Otherwise, let her motivate you because girl, she changed her life. She added energy to her days, she has a bounce in her step, and that is something to celebrate. Stop saying that you’re too dedicated to other things or that if you had time you would hit the gym or glorifying your busyness or judging her for having a light dinner or whatever it is you tell yourself as you mentally tear her down.
SHE who is engaged or married—celebrate that love. Don’t say congratulations with your mouth while you hold evil in your heart. In a world where divorce rates are as high as marriage rates, let’s root for this union between this man and woman. Nobody made you judge of any aspect in their relationship. Cherish these sweet moments they are living by adding to the glitter and glow, not by having a sour face or bitter words behind her back or by making it about your relationship status or by acting condescending of their age or hating on their proposal or comparing your Pinterest board to her wedding day or whatever it is you tell yourself as you mentally tear her down.
SHE who is the daughter or mother of someone else—realize that yours is a gem in her own way, and you don’t need to compare her to others. Be her biggest supporter, but definitely stop putting her on a pedestal because she will fail. She has failed before, but she will get back up with her strength and your unconditional support. Please stop comparing because you harm both her and yourself. Other women can inspire you—and they should, because we can learn from everyone—but don’t speak poorly about another’s education or career or marriage or religion or whatever else it is you feel like you need to tell yourself as you tear another woman down.
Take a day and sprinkle encouragement all over it. Try it out.
Negative comparison is one of the most toxic things in this world. When I see it bubble up within me, I destroy it as quickly as possible because nothing good comes from it. There is a positive type of comparison called motivation. A confident woman motivates others. She is motivated by them. Don’t get me wrong; she doesn’t need your approval, and she sure as heck isn’t dressing up, working out, working hard, or single or engaged or married for anyone else but herself. But all women are humans, and everyone can do with some encouragement and motivation.
Mold your mind to think positively instead of comparatively with the women who walk by or the women you see on your screen. I think you’ll revel in the energy you gain from your positivity.
I wouldn’t be who I am today if I cared what everyone thought, but I am better today because you genuinely motivate me.
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